The on-going thought!

I was reading today's National Post (we get several newspapers here each day, some get read, some don't!) while sipping coffee, eating cereal and feeding Sean. I came across Barbara Kay's opinion column - Lessons Learned. It appears the National Post is printing a series on advice the 'elders' would give to the twenty-somethings about life. Barbara's column was comforting, even if I am no longer a youngin!

I have been strugling with parenting of recent. I love my children dearly but I seem to be running full tilt constantly. I am scheduled to the minute (I actually told myself I had 10 minutes on the computer, which expires in 1 minute - oops!). I write 'To Do' list of extraordinary length some days - most of it never gets a second thought. My house is a disaster, the laundry pile is enormous, I am threatening to throw out toys and Christmas presents if they aren't perfect for our storage solutions, I am behind on paying the contractor bills & the budget, the kitchen floor has cereal stuck to it, I have no idea of the design of the master ensuite or the front-hall tile (OK, these are really bothering me) - the list could go on-and-on. I have bought most of the Christmas presents so that is at least one thing ticked from the list.

I have also started to think about the return to work in several more months. I struggle with the job I will have, how I will 'make' something of my career, will I actually still have a job (work for a massive financial institution which is laying off on masse with the credit crunch), how will I make something of my career, how the heck will I get dinner on the table each night, how will I spend any time with my children when I am working too many hours each week. I sometimes panic a bit. I desperately want to work but I also want my children.

Barbara Kay's column helped.

"Nothing you ever achieve in that precious career of yours will amount to a hill of beans beside the accomplishment of raising decent and constructive children."

As a reinforcement to that concept was my little shopping experience yesterday. One of the sales assistants who helped me asked if I enjoyed my large family. She wasn't yet married but not too young (but certainly younger than me). I repeated the above complaints. And, like I have heard so many times in the past few months, but don't always believe it - in several years, it won't at all be an issue that the laundry piled up, the cereal was stuck to the kitchen floor or that toys were scattered everywhere. I am hopeful (and somewhat confident) I will raise decent and constructive children and I will some day brag about all their big and small accomplishments over a quiet lunch with some girlfriends, who will yammer on about the same thing. Whether I had a title at my job, initiated positive change in a process, or balanced the books one quarter really well, - will seem so irrelevant. I was somewhat shocked by her very mature comments - I usually only hear that from my mom or my aunts - not a twenty-something sales clerk at The Bay.

I am pretty certain that all will be just peachy - I do love each and every day (maybe not every minute). The children are amazing little people. As much as I want the baby to stop crying, the toddler to stop tantruming, the preschooler to stop stealing the Smarties (and to start eating a real meal) and well, Kathleen - I wouldn't change too much, but maybe a bit more organized in the morning would be wonderful, I know I will miss all this all too soon.

Alright, off to put on some laundry and clean-up the kitchen while babe is napping for a few more minutes ... I am fifteen minutes over my timeline!